...

Eh, what in the world are you even saying now? Are you perhaps assuming that I'm a crippled femcel just because I'm a deformed 3/10 or less and at 21 years old I'm still a kissless hugless virgin who can't speak to both men and women and feels deeply at unease just by existing at all in current society and its environments? TOTALLY WRONG, womp womp.

I'm simply saving myself for marriage. Oooh yes, you read that right. I'm saving my body and my soul for my future better half. That's why I haven't had sex in my entire life. That's the reason I have never exchanged any bodily fluids with any other physical, virtual or imagined person on the entire planet. And this is also the reason why I can never talk to anyone, because nowadays no single person my age living in economically developed countries has the slightest bit of interest towards the construction of a life-long sentimental relationship.

All of this, exactly! It's true that the planets are aligned against me, but just in the sense that the world doesn't even want to try and give me a proper partner. It's clearly not the case that I'm an utter social outcast without any communication skills (especially romantic) due to being on the autism spectrum, that also happens to be ugly as fuck for a girl partially because of having gotten my entire body malformed due to a single flipped variable in my biology, with medical treatments so far not even having yet been granted to me!

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What? Why are you now insisting that this is a just a hopeless cope that will make me just fall deeper and deeper to my eternal despair? Well, what can I ever do about—I mean, how dare you even assume that what I'm just telling here, from the bottom of my heart, is entirely fake and constructed just to numb the pain that the reality of my life causes me daily!!! STILL ABSOLUTELY WRONG, too bad so sad.

My bad on being partially unclear, I'll give you that. I'm simply asexual, AND I'm saving myself for marriage. I totally crave love, but I couldn't give a single one about sex. I mean, do you even know what sex is? Like, you have to stay there, naked with the horrors exposed, with someone else in front or above or below you, and there's the sweat and the stink and that's even before the actual act. How could I even think about engaging in something of that kind? I'm having real trouble even just writing about it. How could anyone ever really like sex?

The problem is that I want love. True love. I want to find someone that will for-real pinky-promise to keep me for their entire life, and the small rest of mine. I need someone else who will turn to me while we're sleeping in our double bed and slowly pull out a spectacular knife. Then they will gently run my cheeks with it, drawing more and more blood second after second. While I inevitably start crying, they will then get over with it to my arms and destroy them, then to my legs and wreck them, then to my disgusting genitals and remove then out of the world all thanks to the blade. And I will be happy. I will not scream out of pain, I will not try to escape, because they will kiss me so hard that I lose almost as much oxygen as blood. And, finally, they will finish me, piecing my heart with as much physical strength as that perfect act of love has led to accumulate. And I will feel loved.

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...Is that too far, you say? Well, I thought I was clear on the fact that I'm absolutely NOT a gore-obsessed femcel. I'm just saving myself for marriage. I'm saving myself for marriage and, in cases things go really flat, for the final eternal void that the rules of physics and anatomy ensure I can always summon the moment I really need to, with no way for anyone to take me back. But mostly I'm saving myself for marriage. (Send spouse applications to my email, please!)